You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
