whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
