I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize