True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
