if i can run in heels then i can drive
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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