you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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