so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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