I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
