I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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