The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
