Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
