i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
