to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
