I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
