Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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