Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
