I never want to see another naked old woman again.
where am i from again
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
