I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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