yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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