Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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