Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
