The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
