dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
