at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
