I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
