i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize