I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You dont lie about slip and slides
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
