Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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