I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
