words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize