dude i'm inner monologue high
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
