Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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