They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
