I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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