took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
