Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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