Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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