he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
