I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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