Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize