Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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