Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
