Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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