I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
