I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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