There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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