Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
