im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
