I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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