It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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