I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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