The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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