I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
