I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
