But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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