my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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