weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
