The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
