New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
