somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
