my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We talked him into tasing himself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
