We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
