So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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