So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
