For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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