my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
