No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
