Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
