I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
