I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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