No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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