I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
