Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
