The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i think my cat just said my name.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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