The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
