I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
