Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
