dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
