dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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