Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
