I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
