i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
