Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My dick has a subreddit
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
