FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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