it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
