i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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