and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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