I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
