I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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