I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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