she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
