Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
