careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
