Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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