As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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