I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
