like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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