Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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