How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
