I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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