Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
