I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
