ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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