she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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