Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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