Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
