i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
