The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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