uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize