Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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