I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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