he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
