I heard we made out
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I could make wine with my vomit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize