girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
