I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
