do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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